The Fullness of Time

Christmas Day of 2011 finds me with some moments to reflect upon the events of the past year, events which have brought hardship and, indeed, death to my family, events which have also brought new life.  For purposes of such reflection, I have taken a seat in a guest bedroom of my wife’s parent’s house, my position allowing me to gaze out at the winter branches of the woods behind their North Georgia home.  An intermittent rain spits from a grey sky, forming droplets, which cling temporarily to the bare branches before completing their journey to the cold, adhesive Georgia clay.  There is, in this scenery, a beauty best enjoyed from indoors, and it is evident from the sounds elsewhere in the house that the other family members who have gathered for the holiday have contented themselves with indoor pursuits.

This pilgrimage to my in-law’s home has become a Christmas tradition in the twenty years my wife and I have been married.  To be precise, I believe 18 of our 21 married Christmases have been spent with them.  Though the city and state of my in-laws’ residence has changed and though the cast of characters who gather in their home has evolved, the fun of spending Christmas in a big house surrounded by the smell of food, the laughter of games, and the thump of excited little feet on the stairs is a Christmas tradition that continues to call us back year after year.  So it is that this view of the bare winter branches upon North Georgia hillsides is familiar to me.  It is a part of who I am, and the life I have led, the familiar curse of Interstate 75, followed by the blessing of family.

Note Card: Now They Break Down the Carved Work

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  My father never heard of Occupy Wall Street, but he offered some commentary on their ilk.]

May, 2004
I suppose that, if a mob could be easily persuaded to ask the crucifixion of Messiah, we should hardly be surprised that this populace should burn down the city that our forefathers built with their own blood.  A man was famous according as he had lifted up his axe against the thick trees; but now they break down the carved work thereof at once with axes and hammers.  Thus vision and industry, hopes and dreams, faithfulness and affections, truth and liberty are vilely thrown away.

Note Card: The Other Son of the Father

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  This note card contained some interesting thoughts, but it needed some editing for clarity.  What follows, therefore, are my father's thoughts, edited by me.  (Also, note that my father's references to "Ron" are to Ronald Hoffman, pastor of Circle Community Church.)]

October 26, 2007
What were the chances, when Jesus stood before Pilate, that Pilate would have in his custody a man whose name (Barabbas) means "son of a father"?  This was no coincidence, a wicked man crossing paths with him who is altogether righteous.  I remember mentioning this to a few people whose response was, "Humph."  Obviously, to them, the Son of the Father crossing paths with the son of the father was an observation of little value.  So I kept it to myself from then on.  But I noticed it again when Ron mentioned it in one of his sermons.  I will concede to Ron. 

Note Card: Crossing Jordan

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

April 20, 2000
Why did John baptize in Jordan, specifically?  Why did Elisha say that Naaman should dip himself in Jordan?  What was there about that muddy stream?  

 It pictures Christ, who humbled himself to come down for a while, first to be a Galilean (600 feet below sea level), tabernacling among us, and then descending to the lower parts.  (The lowest part of the earth, [is] the Dead Sea, 1300 feet below sea level, from which the only exit is straight up in vapor form.)

Note Card: Life Giving Seed

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

December 12, 1994
Luke 8:5:  We hear of the birds eating the seed, but skip over the fact that it was also trodden down... Also tending to be overlooked , eclipsed, is the fact that, in this parable, the one common item is the Word.  The reception varies greatly, but it is the Word of God that never varies.  Here we have the seed, and the seed has life within itself, capable of producing reproductions of itself.  It is not, as some think their concepts of it that matter.  It is not the boiled down principles that produce life.  It is not that the person receiving it imparts to it a living character upon obeying it.  Itself is life giving.  Nobody denies that the depth or warmth of reception makes a difference, but that simply confesses that people have varying degrees of preparation for whatever reason.  The Word of God is alive!  Itself!  It will produce the life of God in any receptive heart.

Note Card: It Is His Story

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

Date Unknown
History is a story, a living story being told by the Creator.  It is a story of wretchedness interrupted by scenes of deliverance, rebellion chased away by the failure of wrong, the resolution of dissonances, a certain prevailing of the Creator as He proceeds across the stage to relentless victory over evil, gathering a train of hopeless, hapless, helpless whose hearts are thrilled to find Him whom their souls so long had sought.

But it is more than a story.  It is a play, not merely words assembled to offer for entertainment, but an opportunity offered to disappointed little people who could make no sense otherwise.  The Actor Himself comes upon the scene, taking the lead part, yet behind the scenes, obscure, yet evident to those who are distressed, in debt, disenchanted, giving them hope to stand against their odds.  The faces change from scene to scene, yet they are the same from age to age in which the Actor brings them surely along to a determined destination.

The Hard Fought Battle

A friend forwarded me the following words from Chapter 9 of A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God.  Those who knew Stan Julin will recognize him as one of the few who gained some measure of victory in the battle described below.  Those who knew him well knew that the victory was not attained without a hard fight:

The hearts fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honour from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest…Such a burden as this is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort. He develops toward himself a kindly sense of humour and learns to say, ‘Oh, so you have been overlooked? They have placed someone else before you? They have whispered that you are pretty small stuff after all? And now you feel hurt because the world is saying about you the very things you have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing, a mere worm of the dust. Where is your consistency? Come on, humble yourself, and cease to care what men think.

Note Card: Nobody Has Yet Studied History

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  People think that, in the resurrection, this life will seem only a distant, faded, and irrelevant memory.  Below, my dad offers his own unique opinion on this topic.  As with many things, time will tell who was right, the consensus or my father.]


March, 2000
I'll tell you one thing:  Nobody has ever yet studied history as it will be studied after the resurrection.  It will be fascinating to uncover the cover-ups, blow away the smoke screens, uncover the evidence, clear the innocent, vindicate the righteous, call the witnesses (who were there, after all), continue the archaeology with vigor, be able to know the Bible better than ever, and re-rewrite history.  And how many millions of personal stories are there to be told?

Note Card: The Pharisee's Struggle

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

February 13, 2006
It strikes me, sitting here in Chick-fil-A, that what Paul says in Galatians is the very same reasoning that Paul agonized over after he was saved and slugging away as he rearranged his mind in Arabia to accept and make room for salvation by grace rather than by works.  Since men must understand this, God provided the issues to be laid out for us by Paul, who received it from Jesus directly.  We benefit from Paul's struggle and from the inspiration by the Holy Spirit, resulting in ink through the pen to the page.

Note Card: That, Sir, Is Good Enough For Me

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  Some of my father's note cards amaze me with the number of references he makes to scriptures from all over the Bible.  This one seems to take the prize.  I think I found and linked all or most of them.]


May 17, 2006
If God does things now in part, in the form of a story, to creatures of dust and of fragile frame, with promise of greater later, swearing Himself as security, written with pen in a book, infusing the words with the power of His own Spirit, then what shall be the times when His words come to pass?

Note Card: The Morning Star

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  The following note card, is remarkable, not for its phrasing, but for the depth of thought necessary to find this connection between Revelation 22:16 and 1 Thessalonians 5.]


June 27, 2000
The Greek word for morning (in bright and morning star) is ὀρθρινός, which means also and perhaps usually, early.  For those who think the time will be afar, He will come sooner than expected.  For those who look for [Him] with hope and expectancy, He will surely come without delay.  For those who dispair, the star visibly shows the beginning of a clear day, a welcome signal.  Those who see the brightness, know that His strong and faithful purposes have never slackened.  Those who see Him bright and early, know that He has important things to do.  Those in the night may realize that the star is there for someone else to see.  Those asleep do not know whether there is a star there for someone to see.  Those asleep do not know whether there is a star and do not care, for they have no hope, no sight but distorted dreams, nothing important to do and no good reason to do it, for to them there is no night, no day, no time, no opportunity; those that sleep, sleep in the night and are drunken in the night.  Peace and safety...all things continue as they were.

But we, brethren, are not in darkness, that the day should catch us as a thief.  You are all children of light and children of day; let us watch, etc.

Note Card: Slightly Used and Greatly Reduced In Price

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  In the note card that follows, my father contemplates the nature of his existence before Christ.  From other notes on the same card, it is evident that, in writing this, he was planning his thoughts for an upcoming Rescue Mission sermon.]

I could tell about various people who helped me as a youth:  

• Mr. Thomas, the hardware store owner, 
• Mrs. Blake who saw me when a thief (though she did not see me seeing her, so that I was able to cover my tracks), 
• Roger, the junk man, and Vernon, his brother, (I was sneaky both in thievery and in lying, skilled at deceit and selfishness.), 
• Mrs. Barnett, who successfully engaged me to learn English better, 
• Mrs. Champnany [Blog Author's Note:  "Champnany" is my best guess at my father's handwriting.] , whose grapes I stole and which left me with a discomforted conscience,
• An unknown man who rebuked me for arrogance and who must have thought of himself as failing in rebuke (But he was successful; I remember his words half a century later.),
• Numerous people who had to endure me but were a help simply because they were a long-term and collective soundboard, eventually magnifying my vibrations to my own conscience-in-retrospect, 
• My mother, who caught me in my deceit and chastened me sore, 
• Larry, who caught me stealing strawberries.  

How did I survive to being a man without getting beat up?  

Note Card: Pass the Salt, Please

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

March, 1995
We need to be ready to think that which is true, to open our eyes and clarify our thoughts....We memorize certain verses.  We study certain subjects.  We are influenced by certain books.  We are bent in a certain direction by too few minds - the pastor.  We stay in the New Testament.  (You know, the generic, collective, safety-in-numbers "we".)  But the more we focus on a few things, the more we are bound by those things. 

These Things Struck a Chord Within Me Too

The thoughts shared below are a continuation of my June entry:  These Things Struck a Chord Within Me.

“He always thought the best of me.  Maybe it was by the grace of God that he always thought so highly of me, but it always seemed like he thought that I was the man that he wanted to be, where in fact, the opposite was true, that I always wanted to be the man that he was.”  My brother, Ethan, spoke those words in eulogy of our father, and they struck a chord within me, for though I had never put such thoughts to words, I too had been amazed at my dad’s high opinion of me.  To be sure, I had surpassed him in many ways, as by standing upon a father’s shoulders, almost any son will surpass a father who cares for him.  Yet dad always seemed to have a certain transcendent greatness about him, latent in the grain of his construction, powerfully obvious to those who knew him, invisible to the world at large.  It felt odd, therefore, that he seemed to look up to me.  He even, on one occasion, told me that I was his mentor.

He seemed thrilled that I would take time from my busy schedule to be with him, beaming at my arrival, basking in my presence.  “Dad,” I felt like saying, “you know I’m not the President of the United States, don’t you?”  On one occasion, at some point after it became apparent that he was experiencing memory problems, I asked him to accompany Caleb and me to an air-show in a neighboring town.  The invitation was extended a few weeks before the show, and I expected him to accept and then forget all about it until I re-asked him closer to the day of the event.  Instead, he called me every few days, each time very excited about the invitation and very worried that, perhaps by forgetfulness, he had already missed the date.
 

Note Card: The Books and the Book

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

January 13, 2001
At the Great White Throne, the appeals will be to books, not computer discs, for the records will be written. ...not videos, for they are deceptive as TV is deceptive, and besides, the scripture specifies books.  ...not witnesses, for they lie, twist, and withhold information...not earthly books, for anything can be and has been published.  But records are being kept in heaven of what earthlings do, what they say, what they think, why they do these things, what are their intentions.  Things written as they are happening are accepted as evidence in courts of law.  ...written by beings who do not sin, who observe what is done, said and thought here, whose duty it is to record exactly what happened.  Nothing is said about how many books there are, what their titles are, where they are kept.  One thing is certain:  All history - all of history - is recorded in those books. 

Note Card: Fearful Words

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  My father comments on the story found on Luke 6:24-26.]

September 17, 2000
The words of Jesus in Luke 6 are fearful.  Life is every bit as sober as I have thought it is.  I do not want to get to the end of it and be found wanting.  It is easy to drift, unaware that there is more to know, to understand, to do, to believe, to avoid, to hold.  I know so little, I have done so little, as a child playing make-believe.  If I, serious as I am, have a glimpse of this, what do other Americans have in a generation that is walking away from God in every direction?

Note Card: Putting a Child's Eyes on Luke 6

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  My father comments on the story found in Luke 6:6-11.  My dad loved simple truths, and as a tool for understanding scripture, he sometimes attempted to look at a passage through a child's eyes.]

September 14, 2000
A child in the synagogue where and when Jesus cured a man with a withered hand would have been unable to understand what was wrong with Jesus healing the man, in spite of any amount of attempted justification of opposition to it.  Surely the law in its nature and intent was as Jesus said, and the child would have been completely bewildered by the condemnation of that wonderful event. 

Proverbs 20:6-7

Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness:  but a faithful man who can find?  The just man walketh in his integrity:  His children are blessed after him.

Note Card: Psalm 45, A Bride's Perspective

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  My father did not fully develop the following thought... at least not in the note card I am looking at right now.  However, it seems to be an interesting idea and one that might prove inspiring to anyone whose devotions have been recently dry.]

March 18, 2006
Psalm 45 appears to be a series or a progression of realizations that the bride advances through as she encounters and looks about upon fabulous new surroundings and people among whom she has been placed. 

Verse one:  The overwhelming excitement of being with the King, as being special to him.

[Verse] two:  The exceeding graciousness of the king as a person attracting the human soul like a magnet, the pleasure and expectation of hearing his next words...

Note Card: Some Thoughts on Understanding Paul

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

March 16, 2006
Paul sometimes is exceedingly difficult to follow.  I wonder, should we look at his process of building a case for his conclusion?  That seems to be the usual assumption.  But it may be that we ought to look at his conclusion first and then to think through the steps essential to understanding how it is that we got to here.  After all, God sent His Son to acomplish our salvation for us.  That foundation is the conclusion that we desire, and it is handed to us, not by study or logic but as fact and as a revelation.  Rather than trying to figure out how to get somewhere, we need to learn how it was, is, that we got here and stand in thie grand position and place of favor.  We push the string, rope, but it is the anchor to which it is tied that is the security.  The various knots in the rope between us and our anchor (Christ) are but places to grip.  But is is not that we must hold on to be saved.  We are tied.

Walking in the Footsteps of a Giant

[Blog Author's Note:  Walks with my father were sometimes a pleasure but frequently a duty.  Yet the lessons learned during those walks will not soon be forgotten.  (See also Marci's Thoughts on Walking.)  My son's words below call to my mind 3 John 1:4, which I heard my father quote any time he was pleased with one of his sons.  "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."]

A stooped old man, shuffling down the side-walk, dressed in a red and black checkered flannel shirt, with one pant-leg hiked up, wearing a shoe five sizes too large on the wrong foot, and on the other wrong foot, a woman’s sandal, this is not what most people consider a giant, but I would.  I should know, since I was normally chasing after him.  This giant was unlike any other.  He did not leave a path of destruction wherever he trod; rather, he left a legacy in the hearts of everyone he knew.  He did not tower over everyone or stoop through doorways, rather he was a man of small stature.  It was not his appearance that intimidated, rather his intellect.  Why then do I call this man a giant?  He was a giant because, as children look up to a giant in wonder and maybe even dream of one day being as tall, so everyone who knew this man, Stanley Cabot Julin, looked up to him as a person they wished they could be. He was not respected because of money, for he certainly did not have much of that, but rather, because he was a man so devoted to his Lord that nearly everything he said had some spiritual value.

Note Card: And All This to Justify Hyphenating Two Words

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

1 Peter 2:9 says (to the Christian diaspora), "...ye are...Kingdom-Priesthood..."  I cannot see how anything can be added, subtracted to or from that translation (mine), if one is striving for literalness.  I know and understand such expressions as, "a Kingdom of priests", etc., but that serves to make it smoother in English.  It is not inaccurate, particularly.  I think "A kingdom a priesthood" would be more accurate (no comma between), and I would rather have that than "a Kingdom of priests."

Audio Update

Note the addition of content to the Audio Visual Page.  The eulogies of Eric Julin and Timothy Pent have been added.

Note Card: The Manner of Scripture

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

Memorizing Isaiah 66, it struck me that the manner of scripture is not always information or instruction.  Sometimes it is the tossing to and fro of thoughts as one would have while sitting in a window on a rainy and windy day and sipping coffee with no rush, pondering a matter in a rare enlightened moment when thoughts come easily and quickly... 

Note Card: A Significant Kindness and a Prayer for My Sons

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  There are three things that struck me about this short note card entry.  First, he recorded the exact date and time.  He frequently recorded the dates of his entries but not the times.  So the recording of the time is his indicator that his words mark a very significant event.  Second, I know that he was by that point in his life having some noticeable brain problems.  Indeed, the problems are evident in his writing (I have typed it exactly as he wrote it.)  Third, in spite of brain trouble, he was memorizing the 26th Chapter of Isaiah.  ("Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.")]

Wedneday, August 6, 2008  11:21 AM
Someone anonymous had the lady at the place where people get coffee + at Borders (had her) give me a card with the remark that I was a good guy.  I do not yet know $.$.  I guess he was moved that I am memorizing Isa 26  I am moved. - very much- to tears.

Note Card: We Are Not Dealing With Spiro Agnew Here

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  I searched the Internet a for a little while, looking for what my father had in mind regarding Spiro Agnew.  I found several stories that could have been the source of my father's rather obscure reference to him but nothing that seemed to surely match his thinking.  Still, I thought the line made a good title.]

It will be a good idea to recommend letting [people's]minds wander as to what it will be like in eternity - in heaven.  No sitting on a cloud playing a harp - what did God save us to?  No seeing Jesus from a distance as he waves from the limousine - these are infirm thoughts of one who is used to this life - we are not dealing with Spiro Agnew here.
 

Audio Update

Note that I have added two of the songs from my father's memorial service to the Audio Visual Page.  I experienced some trepidation in doing so.  I do not think the sound system did a completely accurate job of recording them.  Nonetheless, for the time being at least, they are there.

Twenty Minutes On a Swing

Something has been leering at me through my kitchen window for the last few days.  It sits in my back yard and beckons to my thoughts every time it falls within my line of vision.  The last time it caught my attention was at 2:30 this morning, when I got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.  There it was, its light color visible just outside the window despite the moonless night.  I went back to bed.

It is now 3:15 AM, and I am back out of bed, sitting in my living room, writing my thoughts on a piece of paper.  The significance of the view out my kitchen window passed from my subconscious to my conscious mind about the time I tried to go back to sleep.  Forty minutes later, it was evident that sleep would come after I had committed my thinking to paper.

The object that leers at me from the back yard is a yard swing, a plain and simple bench swing suspended from an A frame, the likes of which can be procured from the garden department at any Wal-Mart or Target in the United States.  Purchased in March of this year, it was a birthday gift for Marci, requested by her not only because she knew she would enjoy having it but also because it occurred to her that my parents, particularly my father, might enjoy it.  She was correct in that assessment, and my father whiled away many hours on that swing.

We are right now in the midst of those months which, in Florida, are unpleasant for sitting outside; so the swing has a cover over it and has not recently been used.  But I know exactly when I last sat on that swing.  It was May 16th of this year, beginning at about 8:00 PM.

Note Card: She Coming Worshiped Him

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

August 16, 2005
Matthew 15:25  "She coming worshiped him, saying, 'Lord help me.'"  This is worship, to beg of God.  This is good for me.  I often feel like a beggar before God.  To hear that such an approach can be considered worship is good for my soul. 

Note Card: A Thought That Perched Upon My Mind

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

May 3, 2006
Just a thought that perched upon my mind while gazing at Psalm 47: from verse 8.  "God sitteth upon the throne of holiness."  I cannot help but think that perhaps the throne of God features, or embodies holiness, while the throne of the Son features righteousness.  Holiness of character suggests that it must be followed by a character of righteousness in behavior.  Righteousness of behavior suggests a foundation of holiness of character behind it.  The two of them must go together.  Psalm 45:7  We speak of the unseen in spirit.  Yet the unseen cannot be suppressed; life must find an outlet for manifestation. 
  

Note Card: Holding Fast... Notes from Hebrews 3

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

May 3, 2006
Hebrews 3:6  "If we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end."  This appears to be a peculiar feature, that it is needful for us to use determination to keep ourselves believing.  But we hold the Word of God in our hands.  However, we see some who resist it, and we see others who believed but were careless and thus were made cold.  And there always are those who never really warmed and have a light approach to that which should mightily grip their hearts.  And it has mightily gripped mine.

Note Card: The Angels Desire to Look Into These Things 2

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  This note card is closely related in content to another note card that I entered in May of this year.  The other entry is linked here.]

May 3, 2006
The angels witness the folly of man regularly.  Contrasted is God in his glory and his judgments.  The difference must be to them dramatic, convincing, and instructive.  The outward works of God are known from the beginning, but the secret, inner wonders of his nature have been and are being displayed in his words and in his patient work of salvation of men.  In that he reveals what he is really like on the inside. 
 

As a Result Of Alzheimer’s, Not In Spite Of It

[Blog Author's Note:  Below, Marci answers some questions that I asked at the end of my eulogy for my father.  Alzheimer's Disease, it turns out, is not all curse and no blessing.]

It is a common understanding that Alzheimer’s changes the personality of those afflicted with the disease.  Another related perception is that the patient is no longer really there, since, after all, the mind is largely gone.  Are these statements true?  I would like to share some thoughts on these matters from our perspective because this dreaded disease is increasing in frequency, and preconceptions inevitably shape the attitude, approach, and care given to those who suffer with various forms of dementia, especially as they near the final stages.

Certainly Alzheimer’s affects the personality of the patient, but is that really all bad?  Before the last stages of the disease, Stan was largely quiet.  As his daughter-in-law, I had very few conversations with him throughout my previous nineteen years as a part of the Julin family.  He was more of a fixture beside the more effervescent Connie.  I knew what manner of man he was and respected him greatly for it but knew very little about him, and we certainly had no relationship to speak of.   That was all to change due to Alzheimer’s.

Seth asked some profound questions in his eulogy for his father.  “How, in his condition, did he remain a hero to me and become a hero to my wife and son?  Why do I almost feel guilty that we got to have him live with us while my brothers missed out on that privilege?  How did he manage to command greater respect even as his cognitive ability diminished?” 

These Things Struck a Chord Within Me

With my father's passing, I have done some thinking about my reasons for maintaining this blog.  The original intent was to use the blog honor him during his lifetime.  Now that he is gone, the opportunity to so honor him has reached an end.  I am finding, however, that there are still reasons to continue blogging.  Here are my thoughts:

To watch a man who, for over forty years, had only treated me with kindness... to watch that man be trampled by a disease that knows no mercy...  To see that same man stagger to his feet and fight back every time the disease knocked him down and to watch him keep fighting long after his most valuable traits had been taken... 

To observe a man who had labored day and night to feed his family and had, in so doing, become a highly skilled craftsman...  To see that man too reduced to turn a doorknob or put on shoes and to have that same man, not recognizing me as his son, come to me and, with a beaten down look upon his face, humbly ask me for a job...

Enthusiastic Oar Dipping

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  What follows are my father's musings as he read Matthew 8.  I found these thoughts interesting enough to share in spite of the fact that they are not organized into a carefully built line of reasoning.]

April 8, 2000
Matthew 8:  When the disciples awakened Jesus, they were probably not standing, the waves were so fierce.  When Jesus sat up, He was not groggy but rational:  Why are ye fearful, little faiths?  He said that sitting down; then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, etc.  I imagine there was usually some drudgery associated with rowing across Galilee, but this time I suppose there was some thinking going on with every dip of an oar the rest of the way across. 
 

Audio Update

June 17, 2011
I (hopefully) have solved my technical difficulties and finally added Sam Julin's eulogy to the Audio Visual Page.  Now in place are the eulogies of all three of Stan's sons.  As I am able, I will add other highlights from the memorial service, as well as some other items.

Regarding the Addition of an Audio Visual Page

June 14, 2011
Feel free to link up to the audio visual page I have added to this blog.  Note that this feature is still very much under development and is not very well tested.  So if it works on your system, great.  If not, check back later when I have had time to work out any issues that may arise.


Also, regarding the fact that my eulogy and Ethan's eulogy are available in this section, but Sam's is not yet available:  The problem is simply a logistical one... which I will soon have resolved.  Sam's eulogy, along with some other highlights of the service, will be online soon.

A Quick Update

June 12, 2011
Thank you to everyone who has continued to generate a lot of traffic on The Mosquito Machine in spite of the fact that I have not been posting much during the last week.  Please be aware that I have not abandoned this blog. 


There are two things that have prevented me from posting much in the days since my father's memorial service.  The first is that, due to my family's needs, I neglected my job during the last few weeks.  I have, therefore, been concentrating on shoring things up on that front, leaving me less time for blogging.  The second is that following the memorial service, my family received numerous requests for audio from the memorial service.  I have, therefore, spent a lot of my recent computer time investigating the technical aspects of adding audio and video files to The Mosquito Machine.  I just about have those issues resolved and anticipate adding much to this site in the next few days.  Thanks for your loyalty; please continue to watch this site for things yet to come.

Note Card: Canaanites in the Land

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

November 28, 2000
I hope I am able to deliver Connie to the Lord bright, happy, full, well, strong, and any other conditions of good that fall within the influence of mortals.  Hopefully, my own struggles will not infect her, and hopefully, while we dwell together as long as we both shall live, her environs will enhance her apprehensions of those things for which she was apprehended by Christ.  That was a tedious sentence.  Try this one:  I hope, by following the Lord myself, I can help her to thrive here and arrive there pleasing to him.  No, the tedious sentence says it better.

Note Card: Ideals, Realities, Truth

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

Ideals can be too lofty; realities can be too degrading.  Truth takes each by the hand.

Note Card: Foundation for the Storm

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  I have been holding the note card which follows in reserve so that I might share it first at my father's memorial service.  Written during the time that it was occuring to him that something was going wrong inside his head but before that problem altered his ability to write logically, he writes in contemplation of his efforts to build a solid foundation for his life.]

Luke 6:48:  Because of the war in my heart in recent times, when I came upon this scripture this time around it seemed to describe that which I have inadequately tried to describe elsewhere.  Could it be that at some time in a man's life he will encounter a storm and a flood that will prove him?  This is no small matter.  A man builds whatever it is that totals up the sum of his life.  All his life he is building.  Perhaps he does not perceive it that way.  His values, faith - or lack of it, his perception of truth - if he cares, his awareness of coming judgement, his image of God in the sense of how he perceives him, the seriousness of life as to the account he will have to render, the time and effort he invests into finding out and inquiring after God, the weight he assigns to God's Words, the weight of meaning he feels of this life and its significance, his sorrow for his sins, how he has affected other people, the debt of dishonor he has accumulated to be scrutinized in due time...

  

Online Version of the Program for Stan's Memorial Service

 

Note Card: On Milestones

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  I do not know if my father hit any more milestone's after he wrote this, but I know he hit a big milestone when he passed through those gates.] 

November 30, 2000
So what is better?  ...to be approved by what the letter of the law says, or to be approved by the one who gave that law?  And what is better?  ...to know the gospel, or to understand the reasoning behind it?  Why did God come up with the gospel?  How many differing problems did God solve in Christ?  How many facets are there in the jewel?  How many colors?  The scenery becomes more and more beautiful the more one travels in the Words that God gave.  There is no trash here.

I remember how wonderful a milestone it was when I saw that the Bible was not a junk drawer of unrelated writings but rather a carefully crafted selection of scoop that God wanted us to know - one book, sequential, complete, related each part of it to every other part.  Let me tell you that that energized my desire all the more to read it.

Another milestone that I remember... was it fifteen years ago, or twenty?  I was disappointed by the thought that I was being shoved off the road by the bright young guys running past me, so to speak.  I was reading, memorizing, etc.  What I heard from them was that they had found a shortcut and that I had wasted my life so far.  I had come to a cliff in the dark and could not even tell whether it was up or down.  It was a hard time.  Though I already knew the Bible to be inspired, I was greatly encouraged at that time to take a good look at the matter more closely than before.  As I did, in the providence of God, the lamp of God's Word got brighter.  The cliff was up, not down, and I then found myself on top of it, not on the bottom.  The other's who ran past me?  Their shortcut?  I do not know.  That was then; this is now.  [Blog Author's Note:  I considered taking the preceding sentence out because it confused me, and I at first thought he had confused himself.  But as I read and re-read it, I began to see that it did have meaning, and he probably did mean it exactly as he wrote it; so I have left it in place.]  The third milestone was at the place where God pulled back the curtain of my mind to see glories of his plans for man (including me).  Though I knew before that he planned good things for those who love him, I began to see the glory that he still plans to share.  C.S. Lewis said it is bigger on the inside than on the outside.  I have been aghast at how big it is.  Run as I can, I cannot get past this milestone.  There are too many things to see, but around the corner, I can see there is another milestone even grander.  Will I live long enough? 

Cross-Link: Two Giant's Go Out Together

The Travelsteads have been friends of our family for many years, not just friends of my parents but also of many in my extended family.  She is a gifted pianist, and when we heard that she was willing to play at the memorial service, she became an obvious solution to the question of who to ask.  


Here is a link to her thoughts regarding my father's passing.  If you read it, you'll understand the title I gave this entry.

In Lieu of Flowers...

In lieu of flowers, the Julin family has asked that donations be made in memory of Stan to one of the ministries that were very dear to Stan's heart. 


They are:

The Mailbox Club International, 404 Eager Road, Valdosta, GA 31602-1388

The Orlando Union Rescue Mission, PO Box 2791, Orlando, FL 32802

Stan always believed that although cancer is painful and Alzheimer's is deeply disturbing, not knowing God is the biggest cause of human suffering in the world.     He heartily believed in both The Mailbox Club International and The Orlando Union Rescue Mission because they each work solely to introduce people to God's grace.  


Below are some details of Stan's relationship with each of these ministries:

Funeral Arrangements

The memorial service for Stan Julin will be Monday, June 6, 10:00 AM at Circle Community Church, 2200 Pembroke Dr., Orlando FL. 32810.  

The First Half Hour

June 3, 2011 11:15 AM
As I type these words, my father is completing his first half hour in heaven.  


Congratulations Dad!  You fought the good fight; you finished the race!  The joy you dreamed of always is now your prize!  What an amazing half hour it must have been!  The first half hour, in years, of freedom from Alzheimer's!  The first half hour of freedom from bone cancer!  


Who greeted you at the gate?  Besides Jesus, do you have a list of people you're going to look up?  Did you find the kiosk just inside the gate where you could look up the address for Moses or Daniel or Paul or Peter?  I know you, Dad; you've been just waiting to get an audience with some of those guys.  Does the kiosk include a quick button for downloading the Hebrews 11 address list?


We're happy for you, Dad!  Our hearts are breaking... really, really breaking, but we're happy for you. 

The Final Hours

June 3, 2011, 10:15 AM
There's no time for a detailed description because I'm leaving work to go to hospice as quickly as possible.  I just got the call that my dad's condition has taken a quick turn for the worse and they believe him to be in his final hours.

Note Card: Surprise Party

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

I wonder if a Christian's reception into heaven will be anything like the surprise party for Connie and me at Seth and Marci's house at our 40th anniversary.  That is a short thought and briefly stated, but it leaves me moved, still rather speechless.  Some of life's experiences seem designed to focus our minds on even better things to come.

(Posted online on June 3, 2011 at 8:45 AM)

Stan Julin Update 9

June 2, 2011
Recent changes in my father's breathing and blood pressure swings indicate that the he will not be able to go on indefinitely.  Prior to these changes, he has simply seemed to be asleep and quite comfortable most of the time, though each day has shown a successively greater impact of dehydration. 


My birthday was May 29, and although it was not the happiest birthday ever, I was relieved that he did not pass on that day.


For me personally, the most difficult part of this experience has been saying goodbye to him for the last time every night as I leave the hospice.


My mother remains with him most of the time, though she has taken short breaks.

Yesterday and Today

[Blog Author's Note:  Below, my son Caleb expresses his sense of loss in the present, mixed with hope for the future.]

I always wondered what the death rattle sounded like.  Now I wish I did not know.  When I look back in time, it seems like it was only yesterday when my grandpa and I were sitting at the computer listening to podcasts of old time radio shows that he listened to as a boy.  We listened to The Shadow.  He got excited and began to quote the opening line of every show as it began to play:  “Who knows what evil lurks within the hearts of man? The Shadow knows!”  You could see the boyish glee flash in his eyes, the same eyes that, by that point, no longer consistently recognized his sons.  This was during summer of last year.  It was only yesterday that we called my grandma to tell her that it was snowing on Christmas day in Atlanta, and heard her crying voice answer to say that my grandpa had gotten confused and run away.  About a half hour later, we got the call back saying she had gotten him home.  It was only yesterday when I was told that my grandparents would be moving in with us for sure when we got home.  It was only yesterday when my Father and I went chasing him out the door, as he ran away, believing that we were out to kill him or the like. 

All this was yesterday.

Stan's Notes On Honoring a Wife

[Blog Author's Note:  What follows are Stan's notes how a husband should honor his wife.  In a note card on the same topic, he wrote, "These things may come natural to you.  If they do not, you will have to work at them the rest of your life.  Take your wife out to breakfast!  I have had to work at it."]

Definition of honor:

Looking for, finding, and acknowledging the effort of, or virtue in, another person. It is an outward expression of inner esteem. It can include a tangible or enjoyable reward, or be, simply, thanks - expressed, respect - given, appreciation - showed, or manners - used. It is class personified, tending to strengthen that which is good in the character of the person honored.

Your Wife: Who is she?

She is the girl you married; why did you want her?

Those reasons still stand.  She is unique.

What did she bring to the marriage?

Herself.

Incognito

I always wanted to go through life incognito...  and I was a little disappointed when it happened.  Stan Julin

Name Your Price

May 30, 2011
My father only told me this story one time, and it was many years ago.  So there are some facts missing, but I believe the details I do recall and have shared below are basically accurate:


Early to Mid-1970s Orlando was a very different place from the sprawling metropolitan area that now blisters the skin of the state's entire mid-section.  Orlando was, at that time, simply the largest of a number of small towns that dotted the landscape.  Walt Disney's resort, which would change the face of Central Florida, was in its early life, and no one could yet predict the extraordinary developments that would bring skyscrapers, a tourist strip, multiple theme parks, an NBA franchise, and one of the nation's busiest airports.


During this pre-metropolitan era, Orlando had no significant venue for large scale events; yet the general area sometimes attracted the attention of concert and show promoters due to its central location within the Florida Peninsula.  For such events, the venue with the largest capacity was east of Orlando and was named the Eddie Graham Sports Stadium.  The Eddie Graham was a large, unairconditioned, tin roofed building with a muddy parking lot, a bare concrete floor, and a reputation for a rough crowd.


In spite of its crude construction, this stadium attracted some very big name performances including Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Jefferson Starship, Three Dog Night, Black Sabbath, Grand Funk Railroad, Rod Steward, Jimi Hendrix to name a few.  The alcohol and drugs flowed freely and the police pretty much took a hands-off approach to the place, though on at least one occasion they did show up to teargas an unruly crowd.

Some of the concerts held at the Eddie Graham involved the use of a piano, and frankly, pianos do not well handle environments like that found within this stadium.  So it was that in the final hours before one concert, it was discovered that the piano to be used that evening was hopelessly out of tune, and a frantic search was made for a piano tuner who could come immediately.  Enter Stan Julin, the ultimate non-rocker, the unhippie, a Daniel in a den of lions.  The concert could not start until the piano was tuned, and so as my father worked, he found himself front and center in an environment he never would have chosen for himself, a packed house at the Eddie Graham!

Stan Julin Update 8

May 29, 2011

My father continues to maintain life, though he has been unconscious and without sustenance for over a week (and with almost no sustenance for the week preceding... see update 5).  There are very definite signs that his condition is worsening, however.  His eyes are sunken, his ear lobes curled from dehydration.  His hands are swollen, and his body is having trouble regulating temperature. 

A doctor examined him yesterday morning and, at that time, indicated that she thought it likely that he would pass yesterday or today, though she admitted that her prediction was in spite of the fact that his skin tone, blood pressure, and respiration still seemed healthy.  The thinking was/is that eventually the dehydration will force a systemic crash, and he will be gone soon thereafter.  (That is my non-medically trained interpretation of the doctor's opinion, which I received, second hand, from my mother, but I think the point is that it seems likely that he will be gone soon.)

Additional Thoughts on Marci's Thoughts

The blog entry named Marci's Thoughts on Walking was created by my summarization of what I saw in her notes.  It has become a popular entry on this blog.  She has added some additional depth to those thoughts, which I have incorporated into the entry.  Click here to read it again or read it for the first time... good thoughts.

Note Card: Camouflaged In Plain Sight

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

1996

If we impute our evil behavior to old habits, then how is it that we beget children with the same evil behavior?  The (wrong) answer would be that they learn it from us.  So when we apply the rod of correction, we blame them for something our fault; we should chastise ourselves rather.  The answer is insufficient; it blames inheritance on environment.

And when we face our sins, how do we dispose of them, we who know the grace of God?  Do we confess them as habits?  The answer would be that we do not, for we are guilty; we just yielded to habits.  So then, God is being asked to hang blame on habits, not us?  We wiggled out?  I do not think it can be that easy.  God forgives sins, not habits, and he cleanses sinners, not habits.  Romans 7:17

And what is it that we are dealing with?  Filthy stains.  A thousand deaths.  Crimes that would ruin heaven as they have ruined earth.  Selfish corruptions.  The stench of them ought to make us vomit merely thinking of them.  The only way we can free ourselves is to grab the lifeline which God provided for us by robbing heaven.

Stan Julin Update 7

May 26, 2011
Our family continues in a holding pattern around hospice.  There are small signs that the decline continues; yet his blood pressure and skin tone remain quite stable.  He has had no food or drink since Sunday and almost nothing for over a week preceding that; so there can be little doubt that his trajectory leads to heaven.

The family has, so far, kept someone with him pretty much around the clock, though it is not always my mother.  Last night, for instance, she was able to take a break in the evening to go see her three youngest grandchildren.  Each night, when all of the visitors have returned to their homes or hotels, she gets the quiet hours of the night to talk to and cry for my father. 

Various friends and family members have been stopping in for visits and are encouraged to do so.  My mother grew up in a big family and has always been surrounded by relatives and good friends.  She needs to know that, with my father leaving, she still has others who care for her.

Happiness or Fullfillment?

Elisabeth Julin (my aunt) has shared some interesting observations.  Here is a link to her blog entry, Which Comes First, Happiness or Fulfillment?.

Note Card: The Angels Desire to Look Into These Things

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

Remember that, until God created man, the angels had not seen some aspects of God before.  Had there been love?  A family?  Grace?  Long suffering?  Patience with all kinds of inventive sin?  How about salvation of corrupt people?  Reconcilliation? 

Stan Julin Update 6

May 23, 2011
My father was transferred from the hospital to my house, where he remained for several hours.  However, Hospice determined that they could not care for him at my house and they offered us an ultimatum, move him to their facilities or care for him ourselves.  We allowed him to be moved to the facilities of Hospice of the Comforter, about four miles from our house.

Yesterday, a number of relatives came and went throughout the day, and some sweet times were had by all.  My brother, Ethan, who was last with my father when my father could still carry on a bit of a conversation, got in last evening from Pennsylvania.  Though dad did not speak or open his eyes, he did respond visibly to the sound of Ethan's voice.  I am certain that Ethan's presence in the room gives him a sense of peace.

Family members who wish to see my father before his passing are encouraged to do so.  Just be aware that you will most likely not be able to have a conversation with him.

Come quickly, however.  We do not know how long he has.  In some ways he seems to be failing very quickly; in others, he seems to not be failing at all.  God knows the time.

Marci's Thoughts On Walking

My father always believed that life's experiences will teach us things about God if we allow them to do so.  If he could have understood them, my father would have loved Marci's thoughts on what Alzheimer's has taught her about walking in the Spirit.  Marci is a very gifted teacher and was recently the speaker at a church retreat.  The thoughts below are adapted from her notes for that engagement.   Her long walks with Stan are at an end, but she will not be sorry she took them.

In January of 2011 my father-in-law, Stan, who has late stage Alzheimer’s, moved in with us along with his wife, Connie.  One of the few things he could still do for the first four months after his arrival and enjoyed immensely was going for walks.  Because my mother-in-law has hip problems and cannot walk much without great pain, I began daily taking long walks with Stan.  Slow beyond belief, our pace allowed for much thought and prayer on my part, as well as leisurely conversation between both participants.

 

At the time, I was studying about the Holy Spirit in the Bible and trying to put into practice my understanding of what I was learning.  The Bible speaks of life with the Spirit as being a walk.  The King James Version says in Romans 8:4 that Jesus met the requirements of the law so that we can walk, not after the flesh but after the Spirit.  The NIV uses the word “live” instead of walk, but the original Greek word literally means “to tread all around, i.e. to walk at large.”  Visual aids help me to better understand nebulous spiritual concepts, and here in God’s Word was a picture to better understand how the Spirit works in us.  A walk implied two things to me.  First, it is not a work; it is a walk.  Second, to “walk after” implies subjection (The Normal Christian Life, Watchman Nee p.200-201).  I have to choose to be subject to the Spirit and His leading in my life.