Note Card: She Coming Worshiped Him

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

August 16, 2005
Matthew 15:25  "She coming worshiped him, saying, 'Lord help me.'"  This is worship, to beg of God.  This is good for me.  I often feel like a beggar before God.  To hear that such an approach can be considered worship is good for my soul. 

Note Card: A Thought That Perched Upon My Mind

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

May 3, 2006
Just a thought that perched upon my mind while gazing at Psalm 47: from verse 8.  "God sitteth upon the throne of holiness."  I cannot help but think that perhaps the throne of God features, or embodies holiness, while the throne of the Son features righteousness.  Holiness of character suggests that it must be followed by a character of righteousness in behavior.  Righteousness of behavior suggests a foundation of holiness of character behind it.  The two of them must go together.  Psalm 45:7  We speak of the unseen in spirit.  Yet the unseen cannot be suppressed; life must find an outlet for manifestation. 
  

Note Card: Holding Fast... Notes from Hebrews 3

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

May 3, 2006
Hebrews 3:6  "If we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end."  This appears to be a peculiar feature, that it is needful for us to use determination to keep ourselves believing.  But we hold the Word of God in our hands.  However, we see some who resist it, and we see others who believed but were careless and thus were made cold.  And there always are those who never really warmed and have a light approach to that which should mightily grip their hearts.  And it has mightily gripped mine.

Note Card: The Angels Desire to Look Into These Things 2

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  This note card is closely related in content to another note card that I entered in May of this year.  The other entry is linked here.]

May 3, 2006
The angels witness the folly of man regularly.  Contrasted is God in his glory and his judgments.  The difference must be to them dramatic, convincing, and instructive.  The outward works of God are known from the beginning, but the secret, inner wonders of his nature have been and are being displayed in his words and in his patient work of salvation of men.  In that he reveals what he is really like on the inside. 
 

As a Result Of Alzheimer’s, Not In Spite Of It

[Blog Author's Note:  Below, Marci answers some questions that I asked at the end of my eulogy for my father.  Alzheimer's Disease, it turns out, is not all curse and no blessing.]

It is a common understanding that Alzheimer’s changes the personality of those afflicted with the disease.  Another related perception is that the patient is no longer really there, since, after all, the mind is largely gone.  Are these statements true?  I would like to share some thoughts on these matters from our perspective because this dreaded disease is increasing in frequency, and preconceptions inevitably shape the attitude, approach, and care given to those who suffer with various forms of dementia, especially as they near the final stages.

Certainly Alzheimer’s affects the personality of the patient, but is that really all bad?  Before the last stages of the disease, Stan was largely quiet.  As his daughter-in-law, I had very few conversations with him throughout my previous nineteen years as a part of the Julin family.  He was more of a fixture beside the more effervescent Connie.  I knew what manner of man he was and respected him greatly for it but knew very little about him, and we certainly had no relationship to speak of.   That was all to change due to Alzheimer’s.

Seth asked some profound questions in his eulogy for his father.  “How, in his condition, did he remain a hero to me and become a hero to my wife and son?  Why do I almost feel guilty that we got to have him live with us while my brothers missed out on that privilege?  How did he manage to command greater respect even as his cognitive ability diminished?” 

These Things Struck a Chord Within Me

With my father's passing, I have done some thinking about my reasons for maintaining this blog.  The original intent was to use the blog honor him during his lifetime.  Now that he is gone, the opportunity to so honor him has reached an end.  I am finding, however, that there are still reasons to continue blogging.  Here are my thoughts:

To watch a man who, for over forty years, had only treated me with kindness... to watch that man be trampled by a disease that knows no mercy...  To see that same man stagger to his feet and fight back every time the disease knocked him down and to watch him keep fighting long after his most valuable traits had been taken... 

To observe a man who had labored day and night to feed his family and had, in so doing, become a highly skilled craftsman...  To see that man too reduced to turn a doorknob or put on shoes and to have that same man, not recognizing me as his son, come to me and, with a beaten down look upon his face, humbly ask me for a job...

Enthusiastic Oar Dipping

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  What follows are my father's musings as he read Matthew 8.  I found these thoughts interesting enough to share in spite of the fact that they are not organized into a carefully built line of reasoning.]

April 8, 2000
Matthew 8:  When the disciples awakened Jesus, they were probably not standing, the waves were so fierce.  When Jesus sat up, He was not groggy but rational:  Why are ye fearful, little faiths?  He said that sitting down; then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, etc.  I imagine there was usually some drudgery associated with rowing across Galilee, but this time I suppose there was some thinking going on with every dip of an oar the rest of the way across. 
 

Audio Update

June 17, 2011
I (hopefully) have solved my technical difficulties and finally added Sam Julin's eulogy to the Audio Visual Page.  Now in place are the eulogies of all three of Stan's sons.  As I am able, I will add other highlights from the memorial service, as well as some other items.

Regarding the Addition of an Audio Visual Page

June 14, 2011
Feel free to link up to the audio visual page I have added to this blog.  Note that this feature is still very much under development and is not very well tested.  So if it works on your system, great.  If not, check back later when I have had time to work out any issues that may arise.


Also, regarding the fact that my eulogy and Ethan's eulogy are available in this section, but Sam's is not yet available:  The problem is simply a logistical one... which I will soon have resolved.  Sam's eulogy, along with some other highlights of the service, will be online soon.

A Quick Update

June 12, 2011
Thank you to everyone who has continued to generate a lot of traffic on The Mosquito Machine in spite of the fact that I have not been posting much during the last week.  Please be aware that I have not abandoned this blog. 


There are two things that have prevented me from posting much in the days since my father's memorial service.  The first is that, due to my family's needs, I neglected my job during the last few weeks.  I have, therefore, been concentrating on shoring things up on that front, leaving me less time for blogging.  The second is that following the memorial service, my family received numerous requests for audio from the memorial service.  I have, therefore, spent a lot of my recent computer time investigating the technical aspects of adding audio and video files to The Mosquito Machine.  I just about have those issues resolved and anticipate adding much to this site in the next few days.  Thanks for your loyalty; please continue to watch this site for things yet to come.

Note Card: Canaanites in the Land

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

November 28, 2000
I hope I am able to deliver Connie to the Lord bright, happy, full, well, strong, and any other conditions of good that fall within the influence of mortals.  Hopefully, my own struggles will not infect her, and hopefully, while we dwell together as long as we both shall live, her environs will enhance her apprehensions of those things for which she was apprehended by Christ.  That was a tedious sentence.  Try this one:  I hope, by following the Lord myself, I can help her to thrive here and arrive there pleasing to him.  No, the tedious sentence says it better.

Note Card: Ideals, Realities, Truth

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

Ideals can be too lofty; realities can be too degrading.  Truth takes each by the hand.

Note Card: Foundation for the Storm

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  I have been holding the note card which follows in reserve so that I might share it first at my father's memorial service.  Written during the time that it was occuring to him that something was going wrong inside his head but before that problem altered his ability to write logically, he writes in contemplation of his efforts to build a solid foundation for his life.]

Luke 6:48:  Because of the war in my heart in recent times, when I came upon this scripture this time around it seemed to describe that which I have inadequately tried to describe elsewhere.  Could it be that at some time in a man's life he will encounter a storm and a flood that will prove him?  This is no small matter.  A man builds whatever it is that totals up the sum of his life.  All his life he is building.  Perhaps he does not perceive it that way.  His values, faith - or lack of it, his perception of truth - if he cares, his awareness of coming judgement, his image of God in the sense of how he perceives him, the seriousness of life as to the account he will have to render, the time and effort he invests into finding out and inquiring after God, the weight he assigns to God's Words, the weight of meaning he feels of this life and its significance, his sorrow for his sins, how he has affected other people, the debt of dishonor he has accumulated to be scrutinized in due time...

  

Online Version of the Program for Stan's Memorial Service

 

Note Card: On Milestones

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

[Blog Author's Note:  I do not know if my father hit any more milestone's after he wrote this, but I know he hit a big milestone when he passed through those gates.] 

November 30, 2000
So what is better?  ...to be approved by what the letter of the law says, or to be approved by the one who gave that law?  And what is better?  ...to know the gospel, or to understand the reasoning behind it?  Why did God come up with the gospel?  How many differing problems did God solve in Christ?  How many facets are there in the jewel?  How many colors?  The scenery becomes more and more beautiful the more one travels in the Words that God gave.  There is no trash here.

I remember how wonderful a milestone it was when I saw that the Bible was not a junk drawer of unrelated writings but rather a carefully crafted selection of scoop that God wanted us to know - one book, sequential, complete, related each part of it to every other part.  Let me tell you that that energized my desire all the more to read it.

Another milestone that I remember... was it fifteen years ago, or twenty?  I was disappointed by the thought that I was being shoved off the road by the bright young guys running past me, so to speak.  I was reading, memorizing, etc.  What I heard from them was that they had found a shortcut and that I had wasted my life so far.  I had come to a cliff in the dark and could not even tell whether it was up or down.  It was a hard time.  Though I already knew the Bible to be inspired, I was greatly encouraged at that time to take a good look at the matter more closely than before.  As I did, in the providence of God, the lamp of God's Word got brighter.  The cliff was up, not down, and I then found myself on top of it, not on the bottom.  The other's who ran past me?  Their shortcut?  I do not know.  That was then; this is now.  [Blog Author's Note:  I considered taking the preceding sentence out because it confused me, and I at first thought he had confused himself.  But as I read and re-read it, I began to see that it did have meaning, and he probably did mean it exactly as he wrote it; so I have left it in place.]  The third milestone was at the place where God pulled back the curtain of my mind to see glories of his plans for man (including me).  Though I knew before that he planned good things for those who love him, I began to see the glory that he still plans to share.  C.S. Lewis said it is bigger on the inside than on the outside.  I have been aghast at how big it is.  Run as I can, I cannot get past this milestone.  There are too many things to see, but around the corner, I can see there is another milestone even grander.  Will I live long enough? 

Cross-Link: Two Giant's Go Out Together

The Travelsteads have been friends of our family for many years, not just friends of my parents but also of many in my extended family.  She is a gifted pianist, and when we heard that she was willing to play at the memorial service, she became an obvious solution to the question of who to ask.  


Here is a link to her thoughts regarding my father's passing.  If you read it, you'll understand the title I gave this entry.

In Lieu of Flowers...

In lieu of flowers, the Julin family has asked that donations be made in memory of Stan to one of the ministries that were very dear to Stan's heart. 


They are:

The Mailbox Club International, 404 Eager Road, Valdosta, GA 31602-1388

The Orlando Union Rescue Mission, PO Box 2791, Orlando, FL 32802

Stan always believed that although cancer is painful and Alzheimer's is deeply disturbing, not knowing God is the biggest cause of human suffering in the world.     He heartily believed in both The Mailbox Club International and The Orlando Union Rescue Mission because they each work solely to introduce people to God's grace.  


Below are some details of Stan's relationship with each of these ministries:

Funeral Arrangements

The memorial service for Stan Julin will be Monday, June 6, 10:00 AM at Circle Community Church, 2200 Pembroke Dr., Orlando FL. 32810.  

The First Half Hour

June 3, 2011 11:15 AM
As I type these words, my father is completing his first half hour in heaven.  


Congratulations Dad!  You fought the good fight; you finished the race!  The joy you dreamed of always is now your prize!  What an amazing half hour it must have been!  The first half hour, in years, of freedom from Alzheimer's!  The first half hour of freedom from bone cancer!  


Who greeted you at the gate?  Besides Jesus, do you have a list of people you're going to look up?  Did you find the kiosk just inside the gate where you could look up the address for Moses or Daniel or Paul or Peter?  I know you, Dad; you've been just waiting to get an audience with some of those guys.  Does the kiosk include a quick button for downloading the Hebrews 11 address list?


We're happy for you, Dad!  Our hearts are breaking... really, really breaking, but we're happy for you. 

The Final Hours

June 3, 2011, 10:15 AM
There's no time for a detailed description because I'm leaving work to go to hospice as quickly as possible.  I just got the call that my dad's condition has taken a quick turn for the worse and they believe him to be in his final hours.

Note Card: Surprise Party

Written on a 4x6 note card by Stan Julin.

I wonder if a Christian's reception into heaven will be anything like the surprise party for Connie and me at Seth and Marci's house at our 40th anniversary.  That is a short thought and briefly stated, but it leaves me moved, still rather speechless.  Some of life's experiences seem designed to focus our minds on even better things to come.

(Posted online on June 3, 2011 at 8:45 AM)

Stan Julin Update 9

June 2, 2011
Recent changes in my father's breathing and blood pressure swings indicate that the he will not be able to go on indefinitely.  Prior to these changes, he has simply seemed to be asleep and quite comfortable most of the time, though each day has shown a successively greater impact of dehydration. 


My birthday was May 29, and although it was not the happiest birthday ever, I was relieved that he did not pass on that day.


For me personally, the most difficult part of this experience has been saying goodbye to him for the last time every night as I leave the hospice.


My mother remains with him most of the time, though she has taken short breaks.

Yesterday and Today

[Blog Author's Note:  Below, my son Caleb expresses his sense of loss in the present, mixed with hope for the future.]

I always wondered what the death rattle sounded like.  Now I wish I did not know.  When I look back in time, it seems like it was only yesterday when my grandpa and I were sitting at the computer listening to podcasts of old time radio shows that he listened to as a boy.  We listened to The Shadow.  He got excited and began to quote the opening line of every show as it began to play:  “Who knows what evil lurks within the hearts of man? The Shadow knows!”  You could see the boyish glee flash in his eyes, the same eyes that, by that point, no longer consistently recognized his sons.  This was during summer of last year.  It was only yesterday that we called my grandma to tell her that it was snowing on Christmas day in Atlanta, and heard her crying voice answer to say that my grandpa had gotten confused and run away.  About a half hour later, we got the call back saying she had gotten him home.  It was only yesterday when I was told that my grandparents would be moving in with us for sure when we got home.  It was only yesterday when my Father and I went chasing him out the door, as he ran away, believing that we were out to kill him or the like. 

All this was yesterday.