[Blog Author's Note: What follows are Stan's notes how a husband should honor his wife. In a note card on the same topic, he wrote, "These things may come natural to you. If they do not, you will have to work at them the rest of your life. Take your wife out to breakfast! I have had to work at it."]
Definition of honor:
Looking for, finding, and acknowledging the effort of, or virtue in, another person. It is an outward expression of inner esteem. It can include a tangible or enjoyable reward, or be, simply, thanks - expressed, respect - given, appreciation - showed, or manners - used. It is class personified, tending to strengthen that which is good in the character of the person honored.
Your Wife: Who is she?
She is the girl you married; why did you want her?
Those reasons still stand. She is unique.
What did she bring to the marriage?
Herself.
What does she need?
To be wanted.
She is your love feast. You are her prince charming.
Beauty is important to her, personally, and in what she does. She will decorate your life.
To be fruitful.
She wants children and to contribute her part to the marriage.
Forms of Honor: Public, Private, and Practical
Public honor:
Men tend to ignore their wives in public. The honor men show to their wives in public by looks, smiles, speech, and in other ways that make her glad to be there, is the crown he places on her head in her public appearances.
Private Honor:
Everyone has a need for privacy, even within marriage. Privacy is personal liberty - breathing space - granted for such things as naps, mail, possessions, discreet times, friends, her own choice in how she performs her duties, etc. It is freedom from possessiveness and regimentation. Good wives will appreciate and not misuse these privileges. Explain cat on lap idea. If your cat gets on your lap and you pet it, it will purr and want to stay there for a long time. When it wants to get down, if you let it go, it will come back often and purr with contentment and want to stay. If you hold it there when it wants to get down, it won’t want to come back.
Practical Honor:
Listen. Come home, hold her, smile, hang around and listen.
Don’t look away, fidget, etc.
How do you field bad news? Her confessions? Her good ideas?
Give her credit.
Tear down your soap boxes.
Work on your tone of voice.
Tell her it is nice to be with her.
Buy and give cards on time, and gifts. Become a giver.
How not to give honor:
With fire in your eyes, anger in your voice, thoughtless remarks... These are faults of men. (Women have their own, such as silence, getting even, etc.)
Honor needs to be cultivated, and genuine
Notice how other people affect you badly and purge yourself from such things.
Study your wife’s virtues that ought to be encouraged.
Go for simplicity; read the Bible
We were made in the image of God; play the role.
Results:
What will make her glad to be your wife?
The where question (“where are you?”)
Heirs together - on a journey together.
Growth in grace accommodates the reality that the other person has a sinful nature and must deal with it, that time itself will bring about normal and expected changes in outlook on life, and that life’s crossroads will aid in effecting those changes.
Honoring your wife satisfies a need: anyone on the receiving end of a relationship needs to know how she (in this case) is doing. Not knowing produces uncertainty: knowing produces confidence.
Honoring a wife in proper ways can help her go in confidence.
Honoring a wife cannot help but produce a better marriage.
The discipline of honoring a wife produces a better man, a happy wife makes a happy husband.
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