My father always believed that life's experiences will teach us things about God if we allow them to do so. If he could have understood them, my father would have loved Marci's thoughts on what Alzheimer's has taught her about walking in the Spirit. Marci is a very gifted teacher and was recently the speaker at a church retreat. The thoughts below are adapted from her notes for that engagement. Her long walks with Stan are at an end, but she will not be sorry she took them.
In January of 2011 my father-in-law, Stan, who has late stage Alzheimer’s, moved in with us along with his wife, Connie. One of the few things he could still do for the first four months after his arrival and enjoyed immensely was going for walks. Because my mother-in-law has hip problems and cannot walk much without great pain, I began daily taking long walks with Stan. Slow beyond belief, our pace allowed for much thought and prayer on my part, as well as leisurely conversation between both participants.
At the time, I was studying about the Holy Spirit in the Bible and trying to put into practice my understanding of what I was learning. The Bible speaks of life with the Spirit as being a walk. The King James Version says in Romans 8:4 that Jesus met the requirements of the law so that we can walk, not after the flesh but after the Spirit. The NIV uses the word “live” instead of walk, but the original Greek word literally means “to tread all around, i.e. to walk at large.” Visual aids help me to better understand nebulous spiritual concepts, and here in God’s Word was a picture to better understand how the Spirit works in us. A walk implied two things to me. First, it is not a work; it is a walk. Second, to “walk after” implies subjection (The Normal Christian Life, Watchman Nee p.200-201). I have to choose to be subject to the Spirit and His leading in my life.
Knowing such truth helped me in my walk with the Lord, but practical questions plagued me. How does the Spirit lead us? How do I recognize His leading over my own will and desires? How does He work in me, and what does it look like when He is leading compared with when I am leading? I began to pray that God would make the truth of His Word real in my life, so that I might know better how to live.
One day after many walks with Stan, God called the concept of “walking” with the Spirit to mind and combined it with what I had daily been experiencing with Stan. The result was a powerful picture of what it means to walk with the Spirit. I want to share it with you.
Romans 8:14 "because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
To begin with, Stan did not know which direction to go. Upon exiting the front door, confusion generally took over. Everything was unfamiliar. When he was in a good state of mind, he was content to be led, and therefore, I walked one step ahead of him but to his side, where we could still converse easily. I told him where we were, where we were heading, and to watch out for challenges like uneven pavement. I would remove obstacles from his pathway, and speak words of cheer and comfort when needed. When we came to a corner or crossroads, he would pause to ask which way we should go. Stan did not strive to push himself to please me but instead seemed to sense that the walk was for his benefit. Does this sound reminiscent of walking with the Spirit?
When we are content to be led by the Spirit, we also should walk one step behind and allow him to speak God’s truth to us in the form of direction, encouragement, and wisdom. Every decision should be in subjection to the Spirit’s leading. When He pauses, we pause, trusting that He knows best. Communion, not striving, characterizes this walk.
Galatians 5:17,25 "For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want… Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."
The illustration continues: In the first months that Stan was living with us, he was addicted to a medication that caused him to be paranoid, aggressive, hallucinatory, and agitated. Thankfully, we eventually got him off of that medication. However, during that time, he would frequently determine that we could not be trusted, and he would take off. He would go at surprising speed to he knew not where. We, of course, would follow him closely to make sure he was safe and eventually bring him home once his mind cleared. Sometimes, this would also happen in the middle of an previously normal walk.
On one such occasion, he and I were walking in our typical fashion, me one step ahead, sometimes silent and sometimes conversing. Suddenly, he decided that I could not be trusted to lead him home and that he knew the way on his own. He spotted a long driveway and took off down it. I tried to convince him of my trustworthiness and to warn him from the path he was determined to take. The more I tried, the more panicked he became. The driveway led to three houses in close proximity to each other, all of which butted up against woods and had extremely messy and overgrown backyards. After traipsing through dangerous terrain, he finally encountered fences that blocked him from going any further. It was only because he needed my help to get across a precarious rotted and fallen fence and tree that he allowed me to take his hand and help. Yet once he was past the danger, he was off in his own direction again. After what seemed an endless hour of useless wandering, he allowed himself to be taken home, much wearied from his wanderings.
How like us frequently in our walk with the Spirit. Our sinful nature is contrary to the Spirit, and when we determine that the Spirit’s leading cannot be trusted or is not taking us in the path we desire (we know better), we determinedly go our own way. Like me with Stan, the Spirit tries to warn us, but He will not tie us down and force His way upon us. Yet, just as I would never abandon Stan, no matter his trajectory, the Spirit will not abandon us, no matter our behavior or willful direction. He is even there to offer us help when we look to Him in the midst of the consequences of our rebellion. The Bible promises us that it is God who works in us to will and to do according to his good purposes. His will will be done in the end, but how often do we take needless detours and suffer because we did not keep in step with the Spirit?
Romans 8:26-27 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will."
The Greek word “helps” means, “to take hold of opposite together” (Strongs #4878)
Stan was quite unpredictable on our walks. Sometimes, his stamina was great, and other times he suddenly did not have the energy to take another step. Before I learned to be prepared for such unexpected events and bring a wheel-chair, I had to find ways to get him home in spite of his weakness. When weakness would overcome him, I would leave my position of one step ahead and come alongside him with one arm supporting him. My words became of constant comfort and encouragement. Occasionally, he began groaning with pain and weakness, during which times I would begin to intercede on his behalf.
Similarly, when we come to points in our life where we are weak and struggling, picture the Holy Spirit coming alongside and taking hold of you to strengthen, comfort, encourage, and intercede on your behalf. This week, as I have grieved over Stan’s tremendous suffering and my own sadness at the thought of never again walking with him on this earth, I keep picturing the Holy Spirit supporting us both and interceding in precisely the manner that we both need in our hours of distress. I will always be thankful for the hours spent walking with Stan that brought life to God’s Word in my life. To God be the glory!
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